Kelly Clarkson is holding nothing back when speaking about her struggles with mental health.
In a new interview with Attitude magazine, the star got candid about an extremely low point in her life when she considered suicide. “When I was really skinny, I wanted to kill myself,” she confessed to the magazine.
“It was a very dark time for me,” Clarkson said. “I thought the only way out was quitting. I, like, wrecked my knees and my feet because all I would do is put in headphones and run. I was at the gym all the time.”
“I was miserable, like, inside and out, for four years of my life. But, no one cared, because aesthetically you make sense.”
The singer took to Twitter on Tuesday to further explain her mindset at the time. “Just to clear something up. I wasn’t ever miserable because I had to be thin. I said I was miserable & as a result I became thin,” she wrote in a tweet.
“I’ve never contemplated suicide because of my weight. I said people had no idea I was unhappy oddly enough because I appeared healthy,” she said in another tweet.
Clarkson explained in the interview that with the release of her 2007 album, My December, she began to change her mindset. “There’s a song on My December called ‘Sober,'” she said. “There’s this line, ‘picked the weeds but kept the flowers’ and I just live my life by that because you are who you surround yourself with.”
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Several years later, Clarkson married Brandon Blackstock and became a mother to 3-year-old daughter, River Rose, and 1-year-old son, Remington Alexander, not long after. She also became a stepmom to Blackstock’s children, Seth and Savannah.
“I was around some really negative people, and I got out of it because I had a lot of great people there, too,” Clarkson acknowledged. “It was a case of turning around, facing them and walking toward the light.”
Her new album, Meaning of Life, will be released on Oct. 27.